Einstein was a bluffer, and dazzled by God

We were walking along this ancient ten foot wall that the sign said was older than time itself. That to me suggests that Einstein (and that other mob of theoretical physicists who have theories that can never be proved etc) are incorrect about time warping. I prefer this notice we spotted outside the local church. 

And aren't the Brutish so polite...

Half Way (tbtg)

Coast

Day 1: St Bees to Ennerdale (14 miles, 470 metres, 6.5 hrs, difficulty out of 10, 5, views out of 10, 5)

Lake District

Day 2: to Stonethwaite (14 miles, 595 m, 8 hours, 6, 7

Day 3: to Patterdale (14 miles 1035 m, 10 hours, 8,9)

Day 4: to Shap (15 Miles, 762 m, 8 hrs, 7,9)

Limestone Country

Day 5: to Orton (8 miles, 107 m, 3 hours, 2,6)

Day 6: to Kirkby Stephen (13 miles, 0 m, 4.5 hrs, 4, 7) 

Yorkshire Dales National Park

Day 7: to Keld (11 miles, 515 m, 5 hours, 7, 4)

Thou shalt not covet the B&B owner's daughter

It is traditional on hikes such as these for the rules of 'omertà' to apply. What happens on tour stays on tour. However there are times when fundamental principles of decency and good behaviour supersede those rules. I will let you, the reader, be the judge. 

I came home early  last night leaving Vic behind me in the pub talking to some locals. Regaling them with tales of past triumphs. I felt they were a little young and I left.  In any event I had to do the normal 'night before' preparation checks  ( navigation, confirmation, the gear etc) and I went to bed early. A few hours later I am woken by this crashing noise followed by someone singing the theme of Hawaii Five O.  I look out my window and let's just say things were not as they should be.......

Relaxing in Orton on Day 5

Finally, we have an easy day. Our first ever, only three hours hiking. And no hills either. We arrived at our B&B to be greeted with the lady heading off shopping for 4 hours, come back later. How welcoming! We hid her body in a local slurry pit. 

Not that I am complaining but Vic has landed us in a place with just one pub and this is our rest day!  We plan an afternoon on the high stool debating such topics as the difference between hiking and walking ( see the picture below) and whether it is possible to domesticate sheep. 

After a feed of beer we are still in disagreement about walk or hike. I think the presence of hiking boots is revealing while Vic thinks the hint is in the title. 

All sorts

One meets all sorts on a hike like this. On the very first day Vic's b&b lady accused him of taking her glasses while she fumble with the knobs (radiator that is). 

Coming down Hells Crag yesterday this demento guy (with subservient woman in tow) first words to me were "is there a cairn on top", so much for 'hello, how are you.'

The American at the dinner table yesterday named two of her guests and identified the fourth only as 'her partner'. Lesbians may be cool but they can be as moronic as rest of us. 

One of the Canadian women who arrived late in was practically in tears having got lost in Ravens Gully apparently following Wainwrights alternative route. Most likely she never heard of Alfred Wainwright till recently and now he is making her life miserable, a good achievement for a dead guy. 

Some administration, sorry

All, apologies if you have been having difficulties connecting. Such has been the interest in the hike that the server crashed. I have fixed that now using a shadow server in an Ethernet farm connecting via VoIP in India. 

As you know we are doing this walk for my charitable foundation ( the SFC Foundation) which provides technological aids to traveller kids born without ear lobes. "Hear, hear" I hear you say but, sadly, not for the children. They hear sounds best described as a cat fighting a parrot, but with the cat losing. Please send all funds to the usual account and we will send you the appropriate 'happy children with bandages in recovery' photographs plus a monthly thank you note written in crayon. Replacement ear lobes are usually grafted from pigs with great success and very few side effects that I won't get into here. Thank you again. 

Goodfellas

I asked the guy at the Black Sail hostel to point out the general direction through the pass, picture below. 

He goes" ya see those two fellas there, go through there after you cross de lofty beck". I said that I didn't see anyone. He says "do you not see the two fellas?" . I said no. He shook his head sadly and said that they were over there and good luck on my journey. Even Vic seemed perplexed, well, more so than usual. It turns out that 'fells' are hills and that 'becks' are streams and suddenly it all made sense. And Tarns are small mountain lakes. It's a whole new world over here in the Lake District.